Hate and DirecTV

“Hate” is an awful word and one that I use here tongue-in-cheek.  Is it OK to hate an organization? Probably – because bad organization seems to cause bad behavior.  See www.thelucifereffect.com  If Lucifer could run just one organization, it might be DirecTV whose tortured customers are logging their screams here:  http://www.rateitall.com/i-26676-directv.aspx

And now, back to the blog…

Life is frustrating, and we usually take it out on those closest to us.  Why focus on some poor local character, though, when the folks at DirecTV have constructed a really excellent colossus that anyone can hate?

DirecTV entered my life in the usual banal way of the truly evil:  it appeared in my living room and offered a slightly worse experience than my precious Tivo.  First, it refused to work with Tivo and then, having broken that beautiful relationship, it was all sex and no love.  The DirecTV DVR kind of worked, but it got stuck in endless speed loops and stopped way past the content I wanted – just the opposite of the wonderful experience perfected by Tivo.  But DirecTV wanted all my attention, and there was no room for better technology.

That first DirectTV DVR broke down and they sent another.  Then they billed my credit card for what I thought was installation.  When I disputed it, they insisted on being paid by Western Union (they refused a credit card, check or bank transfer) and then they collected another month in advance on my original credit card – after stopping the service.  Amazing, truly amazing.

Hate eats you from the inside, so it is therapeutic to move on.  I know I should move on, but DirecTV is The Great Satan for Americans.  It has expensive machines flying over our houses that deliver the life-giving entertainment to our empty heads.  As soon as my wife told me that the awful DirecTV service had been discontinued, I despaired of not being part of next week’s American Idol, missing The Office and 30 Rock, missing out on Entourage with my teenager and no more goofy laughs with the little one over Sponge Bob.

It’s been like summer camp around here.  We’re reduced to talking on the phone and watching pet videos on YouTube.  We are off the grid in the worst possible way – plenty of power but no access to people who are smarter and better looking than us.  And YouTube just reminds us that other people live in homes as disastrously cluttered as ours.  Turn off the mirror – we want television!

We are the benched gray people in Apple’s “1984” commercial howling as the screen explodes, and we must fill that void with hatred for DirecTV whose arrogance is well reported on the web.  Seriously, though, if the rest of the world can hate America, can we not agree that DirecTV is the appropriate monolith for our own hatred?   Wherever you are from, DirecTV airlifts in from somewhere far away.  It’s ruled by a crotchety ancient foreigner who takes over anything that gains mindshare.  It sucks the only real value out of our local economies:  our time and, increasingly, our hard-earned cash, and it replaces our real lives with fantasy friends to whom we feel closer than our own families. 

Not to mention that DirecTV sucks.  For the benefit of the search engines, I want to say that DirecTV sucks, DirecTV sux and Direct TV sucks sucking suck suck sucks.  When it works, it’s sucking our vitality away, and when it doesn’t, it’s sucking our money anyway.  DirectTV sucks.

What can we do about this?  Like any tiny entity fighting a Great Satan, we will suffer early defeats.  DirecTV has money and power, and most of all the ability to influence culture.  But its own people are beginning to decay:  you can hear it in their bitter anti-customer-service voices.  The billing people, gleeful at first, will come to hate the grinding job of ripping off their countrymen every day.  One glorious dawn, perhaps when new technology enables you to buy exactly the TV program you want through your fiber optic connection, the DirecTV empire will start to crumble.  The signal will weaken and the satellites will fall like pieces of the Death Star at the end of Episode VI.  Until then, we can only hope and hate.

Published in: on April 13, 2007 at 5:26 am  Comments (5)  

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5 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. HAHAHA, I work for DTV and guess what, I feel the EXACT same way! Yet it pays the bills quite well and has amazing benefits. However, I am entitled to free DTV and I STILL pay for cable. It is very hard to provide good customer service to someone when you just want to say “I totally agree with you, here’s $1,000 in credit.” But alas, we are banned from doing such a thing…

  2. Glen Your the funniest guy I ever met. I love you. I love your blog!!

  3. I have linked to your site from mine. I know exactly what you are talking about in this article. I hope to bring all the stories of hate together in my blog to be a central hub of DirecTV HATE.. I am not a hateful person but they make it nearly impossible not to hate them.

    visit my sites




    to see why I feel this way.

  4. Unfortunately, you’re story is not a rare one. I work for DISH Network and it’s no surprise that they’ve beat DirecTV in customer satisfaction when I read things like this. I’ve had DISH services for about a year now and can say that I have no complaints. I’ve had no problems with my billing and the only time I had to call in was when I was moving my services. When I called, the rep was nice and got everything taken care of without having to put me on hold or taking up too much time. I hope things worked out with your DVR and if you ever think about switching, I recommend DISH.

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