It’s an MRI, Tivo world

“I’ll be back in 40 minutes,” said the Open MRI machine operator.  “I don’t think so,” I thought.  There was no way I could stay there for 40 minutes without moving.  This feeling started in my first MRI attempt:  I was on my way to a funeral, and the MRI felt like a casket. Lately, though, the whole world is an MRI. 

I can’t sit in meetings in which I can predict the participants’ responses — the person who will play devil’s advocate for the sake of exhausting all possibilities, the one who will patronize some minor contribution with an elaborate thank-you, the lengthy discussion when everyone already agrees on what must be done.  I can’t do it anymore.  I don’t want to sit on long plane flights.  I fall asleep in bad movies.  Conference calls are confining. The world is closing in and time is running out.  I’m in the great clanging MRI Tokamak most of the time, and I hate it.

Maybe this is a good thing.  Perhaps I will be less indulgent of activities that steal my time.  My life could change for the better.

Tivo has also changed my psyche.  Besides flying past commercials, I never miss a sentence.  If I glance away or the words are garbled, I tivo back to see what I missed, which, lately, is nothing at all.  I never miss a detail, and sometimes I move frame-by-frame to study the appeal of a particular character or the detail of a map flashed briefly on the screen.  I find myself wishing that radio or actual conversations could be Tivo-controlled:  instant re-wind on everything, no misunderstandings, perfect experience.

This may not be a good thing, which I first noticed while looking from a plane at something written on a warehouse roof.  I couldn’t make it out.  The man blocking the window wouldn’t move.  The plane’s engine was in the way.  I would go to my grave without that particular knowledge, and, absurdly, I was panicked.  Inside my flying MRI, I had no control.

It’s all a matter of control.  As I look ahead at the older people I know and feel my own physical deterioration, I see more MRI and less Tivo.  I don’t want to go gentle into that evil MRI.

Published in: on June 15, 2009 at 8:08 am  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. “Inside my flying MRI I had no control”, kills me.

    I know how you feel Glenjamin.

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